So long, so short

The hours stretch into days. The pain gets deeper. The dying with cancer stretches on and on. I see the body and the mind gradually eaten up, yet the breath remains. I long for the release for you, but it is my own longing. I can’t fathom what is in your own heart and mind. I see you reach and grasp for your husband in what appears to be delirium. My head feels like pinwheels spinning in colliding directions.

20121014-005559.jpg

A month ago we were laughing, exchanging stories, doing the typical sister thing. It is such a short time ago. But today, and yesterday and the days before that, have been interminable, watching you slip away a little piece at a time. Only yesterday, I was the big sister being blamed for all of your misfortunes. Today, I’m holding you, to try to protect you from what I cannot see.

I wish there was peace and calm and comfort. It hasn’t come yet. I see your daughter struggle with the loss of the mother that she knew and the remaining shell of your existence. I struggle with how to comfort her in this interim. The why’s ….. The when’s …..

The pattern from Jinny Beyer

Size: 45×60
Finished: 2011
Machine pieced, hand quilted

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under cancer, dying with cancer, hand quilting, quilting

3 responses to “So long, so short

  1. nance

    Nan-Thank you for sharing. Wow you have related your quilting to your journey with your sister and family is brath taking. I am thinking of you daily-hoping you find peace and comfort in this toughest of tough journeys. Nance

  2. jennyklyon

    I just found your blog from your “like” of my post. I pray that you are finding some peace and respite in this journey with your sister. My prayers follow you. Your quilting is stunning, perhaps because of your deep emotional connection with it. Hope you find a ray of joy in each day

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s